


Behind Smoke and Mirrors

by quinship



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, High School, To All The Boys I Loved Before AU, all years happening at once, coming out arc, vintage AND modern setting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-09-05 11:37:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16809868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinship/pseuds/quinship
Summary: Tegan is dumped after sending her boyfriend a love letter telling him how she feels. After striking up an unlikely friendship with Sara Quin, the two decide to show their respective exes that they're over them by pretending to date.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the first day of Ficmas!
> 
> Just to let you guys know, Tegan identifies as bisexual in this fic but she's in de-bi-al, something i went through in 8th grade. It is not meant to invalidate bisexual people, this is just something a lot of gay people might go through. Also as for the setting... vintage and modern stuff is happening at once just because i thought it would be fun.

Friday morning, for the first time in her life, Tegan was actually going to send someone a love letter. Usually, she narrated them in her head at night before she fell asleep, fantasizing about her crush. But this was no mere crush; this was her boyfriend of two years. Some might consider this to be long overdue, but Tegan was finally confessing her love for him. Perhaps that was also long overdue, but Jeremy was good about not expecting anything from her, or ever pressuring her to do anything she was uncomfortable with or not ready for, so he wouldn’t be upset that she hadn’t said it earlier or couldn’t work up the nerve to verbally say how she felt.

She was almost late by the time she arrived on campus, so she tucked the envelope away in her fourth-period folder so it wouldn’t get bent. It had to be pristine. She also didn’t want to forget to put it in Jeremy’s locker before she lost the nerve, so she planned to do it after spending lunch together in his fifth-period teacher’s classroom, where she sat at the desk in front of him and they would talk about whatever.

“Hey!” She never kissed him in public, only smiling at him. She felt awkward about people watching her be affectionate with her boyfriend and her worst fear was teachers chiding them for PDA.

“I see you’re taking Casual Friday to heart,” Jeremy remarked, gesturing at her baggy bell-bottom jeans with holes in the knees and dirty hiking boots.

“Not nice!” Tegan whined. “I actually tried today.”

“That’s a tie-dyed blouse, Teegs.” He pointed out. “I know there are probably a shit ton of stains on there that you were trying to hide.”

She pouted playfully as she took a bite of baby carrot. “What am I supposed to do, eat SpaghettiOs naked?”

“Ew, I hope not.” Jeremy wrinkled his nose. “Other people sit on the couch.”

“We kiss on that same couch.” She reminded him.

“That’s different.” He insisted. “We stay clothed, so we’re not spreading our… you know, germs around. If you know what I mean.”

“So which is worse, a person in dirty clothes sitting on a public couch or a naked person who just showered?” Tegan asked, grinning playfully.

Jeremy licked his lips in thought. “Some naked men usually won’t leave germs around as much as women often do.”

“We can’t help it, though; women with vaginas.” She replied, noticing some people near them overheard their conversation. She clamped her mouth shut, her skin grow hot. She bowed her head, letting her not-quite-shoulder-length hair fall in front of her face.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Jeremy said dryly to the people staring. He placed a hand on Tegan’s bicep, giving her arm a gentle squeeze. “Hey Tegan, do you want my fruit snacks?”

“Yeah.” She answered quietly. “It’ll go with my Capri-Sun.”

“It might clash actually, Teegs. The different fruit flavors… Plus fruit snacks are sweet, but Capri-Suns aren’t inherently…” Jeremy pointed out.

Tegan smiled. “I’ll just drink some water between them to cleanse my mouth.” She took his water bottle and sipped from it. She had her own; she just wanted to drink his.

They chatted throughout lunch until a few minutes before the bell rang, keeping an eye on the time with their phones. She kissed his cheek before leaving, speed walking so she had time to savor the moment she slipped the love letter into his locker.

She stopped right in front of it and took a deep breath as she took it out and held it in her hands, staring at her boyfriend’s name in her own careful cursive on the back. She placed a little kiss on the sealed flap, staining it with lip balm, hoping this would make sure he returned her feelings. Her heart was pounding and she could barely move, but she tucked it through the vent and heard it land on whatever was in there.

And then Tegan realized she was going late for her fifth period, so she hurried to her classroom, walking in at the same time as Sara Quin, who was always tardy (but usually later than this) from walking her girlfriend, Stacy Reader to class. Tegan hated being late, having people stare at her as she walked in after the bell… At least the teacher hadn’t started taking attendance or giving out instructions yet. Tegan hated getting attention unless it was from specific people at specific times. Jeremy and her family were the only people she happily accepted attention from. Well… And Emy Storey.

Ah, Emily Elizabeth Story, the nicest and most universally liked girl in Tegan’s grade. Maybe even in the entire school… Tegan wouldn’t have been surprised. Straight brunette hair grown out from the bob with bangs, eyes the color of a swimming pool in summer, and a smile that could light up a country night. Her papers always had doodles on them and she was always giving and receiving food items to and from friends. She was the first of all of them to come out, but nobody was mean to her because no decent person the world could bring themselves to be mean to Emy Storey. Emy made friends with all cats that neighbored the school, and all the teachers loved her. If a Disney princess was a sixteen-year-old junior in high school, it would be Emy. Tegan wished she and Emy would get paired together for an assignment, especially since that day Emy came to third period sophomore year (Visual Art II) wearing galaxy leggings and that olive green army jacket over a form-fitting white T-shirt, her beige bra visible underneath if one stared… Which Tegan did, later hoping she wasn’t too obvious and that her mouth wasn’t open, like she was trying to catch flies or something.

While Tegan didn’t have a crush on Emy, exactly, she did have a deep admiration for her and was definitely attracted to her, so much so that she’d finally confronted her attraction to girls after the day with the army jacket and leggings. Emy was the first person in their year to come out as gay (seventh grade), and then it turned out she and Sara Quin were dating when eighth grade began. They broke up over the summer between sophomore and junior year, but to everyone’s surprise, they were still good friends, Emy even hosting a birthday party at her own house when Sara turned sixteen. Tegan hadn’t gone, however, since she was kind of scared of going to parties. Jeremy was familiar with Sara and went, but Tegan stayed in her room, watching DVDs of The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour, only budging from her beanbag to go get more snacks or to the bathroom during commercial breaks; her typical Friday night routine.

Tegan settled into her seat next to John-whose-last-name-she-forgot and Goth Eva (the one who kind of looked like Carmen from One Day at a Time) while her eyes didn’t leave Emy until the teacher gave out instructions, leaving Tegan to agonize about actually having sent her love letter to Jeremy.

In her sixth period, they changed seats, to Tegan’s horror. However, her bisexual prayers were answered (praise Lesbian Jesus, Hayley Kiyoko) and she was next to Emy. Her hair was longer now and she’d only grown more gorgeous. Today she wore a grey pinstriped cassimere suit with a magenta bowtie and baby blue shirt, making Tegan feel like a slob. And that newsboy cap… Tegan forgot all about the love letter in Jeremy’s locker. She was both riding a high of excitement and internally panicking.

When the bell rang, signaling the end of school, Tegan almost wanted to protest. But she had to meet her boyfriend. Jeremy. She wanted to know when he picked up the note so she could be prepared.

“Hey!” She said, her voice almost comically high pitched when she saw him. He knew she was bisexual, she just didn’t tell him about her thing for Emy.

“Hi,” Jeremy put his arm around her as they made their way down the hallway together. It was heavy, but perhaps that was the placebo of the black turtleneck shirt he wore. At least it grounded her after being next to Emy while she wore that suit. “How would you feel about going to a party tomorrow?”

“What’s it for?” Tegan asked. She’d been to a couple parties but always made him leave early since she felt awkward.

“Fun.” Jeremy grinned.

“Ok, but tonight is for just us,” Tegan warned.

“Of course, Teegs, I’ll take you to Old Spaghetti Factory tonight, ok?” He gave her a little one-armed squeeze.

“I’d like that.”

Conversation came easier now that Tegan had mentally taken a cold shower, and they got into his DeLorean. She looked through his collection of cassette tapes, selecting Ariana Grande’s Sweetener, and popped it inside as he drove her to his house where they played games on his Atari for most of the afternoon, switching to the music channel when they got too frustrated with Pacman to play any longer.

“Ooh, Kate Bush!” Tegan lay on her stomach in front of the TV when Kate Bush’s The Sensual World came on.

“Hey Tegan…” Jeremy said from the couch.

“Hm?” She was relaxed, her little hum nonchalant. And then it hit her. He might ask her about the note in his locker. Oh god, she was not prepared to have this conversation. And then she was sweating, like a switch had been flipped, her heart pounding.

“I…” Jeremy paused, taking a deep breath.

Oh god… Was he going to tell Tegan he loved her? And she had written him a letter?! A fucking letter, and here he was, telling her while The Sensual World was playing?

“Never mind.” He sighed. “I forgot.”

“Ok.” A wave of relief washed over her.

They messed around until his mother got home, at which point they decided to go see _Heathers_ in the theater, since it just came out, and they might as well enjoy a full movie, especially since they’d been snacking the entire afternoon. So Tegan happily held hands with Jeremy as they went into the theater Tegan noticed Stacy Reader and her friends were in the same row as them. Stacy looked beyond ticked off, arms crossed over her swing dress with an obnoxious amount of petticoats and refused to move her crossed legs out of the way so Tegan and Jeremy could get by, leading Tegan to almost trip, though Jeremy caught her. Stacy glared at the couple as they went by as though she hated them for daring to come to the movies together.

“Did her royal highness’s butler serve her the wrong kind of tea or something?” Jeremy whispered in Tegan’s ear, making her stifle a giggle.

“Maybe her Daddy got her the wrong color Cadillac.” Tegan whispered back, the two of them snorting at Stacy’s expense, especially when she turned her head to glare at them more.

“Sara’s a pretty cool person, I don’t know why she puts up with that,” Jeremy commented.

Tegan didn’t know Sara, but she knew of her. Everyone knew when Sara and Emy got together, and then at the beginning of sophomore year, Sara shaved her head. When it started to grow in, Sara bleached it blonde. She also always dressed very masculine and had a very concentrated group of people she liked to talk to. Tegan didn’t even know if the two of them had ever spoken, but she found herself intrigued by Sara. Not that Tegan would ever start a conversation with her… she was far too shy.

Tegan’s only real friend was Jeremy, and he was her boyfriend too, which she supposed was a good thing. Her boyfriend was her best friend, and she could talk to him about almost anything, even her period and weird ass dreams. Some things she didn’t tell him because she didn’t tell anyone, but he was the one person she really talked to.

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t put up with that if I were here,” Tegan answered. They grinned at each other, and she turned in her seat to place her legs across his lap, and he placed a loose arm over her shoulders.

When the movie started, and the lunchroom scene played out, Jeremy leaned over to whisper in Tegan’s ear again: “I don’t think her royal highness will like this movie.”

Trying to suppress her laugh made Tegan snort, probably further irritating said person, but Tegan enjoyed the black comedy. Perhaps a little too much, knowing she was who the movie was targeted towards, as opposed to the girls in the row with them, but hey, as long as Tegan got her money’s worth. However, her internal confusion reared its ugly head, concerning her feelings on JD, with the charisma Christian Slater gave him… Something drew her to Heather Duke and Veronica, but… that was stronger than her interest in JD. She was bisexual though… Maybe she just preferred girls?

When the lights came on, Jeremy whisked Tegan out of the theater, and they chattered about the movie on the way to the car.

“That Christian Slater gave a good performance,” Was the first thing Jeremy said. “Whew, he could have talked me into doing some pretty fucked up shit.”

“Yeah, same.” Tegan agreed. “I hope he gets an award for the role, villains are the best kind of men in movies.”

“What, you want me to be a villain?” Jeremy raised an eyebrow, smiling playfully.

“No, you’re my best friend, I just want you to be that, you know?” Tegan swung their joined hands between them, but he picked her up by the waist and spun her around. She let out a surprised laugh, hugging him around the neck. When he put her down, she leaned in for a kiss, but he didn’t immediately reciprocate. However, he did before she could ask him if something was wrong.

They shared a bottomless bowtie pasta with white sauce after a debate about the best pasta shape and sauce. Tegan liked being on a date with her boyfriend. It felt normal. She felt normal.

She was yawning so hard that there were tears in her eyes when he dropped her off at home for the night. She kissed him goodnight and went inside to say hi to her parents before going to bed. Her dreams contained her kissing Jason Dean, but not liking it. By the time she could process her dream after waking up, the rest faded away. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folksies! welcome back to this fic! For once i actually enjoy reading something i wrote bc like,,, this fic is so fun? The utter chaos of different fashions and technology and music is just.... beautiful in a way.

By Saturday evening, Tegan had finished her homework and did laundry, and even getting permission from her parents to stay over at Jeremy’s after the party, after a lecture and them giving her another box of condoms just in case. She added it to her collection despite feeling like she could provide birth control for her entire school since she never used any of them, even having to throw away expired boxes.

Deciding to at least try to look cool, she wore her one pair of Jordache jeans with Reeboks. She paired it with her cream-colored Mickey Mouse airbrushed T-shirt and red puffy vest. Apparently, Jeremy didn’t think she looked that cool, but forced a smile anyway, kissing her cheek when he saw her. He had picked a printed button-up long-sleeved shirt tucked into a dark pair of bellbottoms. Dammit, again he looked like the pretty one while she looked like a goddamn mess who didn‘t know how to try. Tegan swore she could see the regret in his eyes for bringing her to this party. Why else would he look nervous?

Not even NSYNC’s new single Bye Bye Bye could ease her nerves. She thought about trying to ease the awkwardness by asking who was throwing the party, but worried that would only make things worse if it turned out to be someone really cool. Her fears were confirmed by seeing people standing around outside the house holding red plastic cups, chatting and smoking, and Jeremy not even knocking as they went inside, where Zedd’s Stay blared on the speakers. Tegan pretty much just let herself be towed around, focusing on her boyfriend to try staying calm. He got her a can of soda first, giving her something to do with her hands. Jeremy talked to people, Tegan said hi, and let people focus on her boyfriend as she sipped on her Sprite. Well, until she finished it. Then she didn’t know what to do. She carried her empty drink around for about five minutes before Jeremy realized she was too shy to ask where a trash can was, and promptly left the conversation, leading her back to the kitchen.

“You know, you shouldn’t be afraid to just ask for stuff you want.” Jeremy reminded her over the din of people talking and ABBA on the speakers.

“Why should I do that when I have you?” Tegan replied. “You know me better than anyone else. That’s why…” She paused. She’d already sent the note, she’d just make herself look stupid if she told him she loved him at this point, and then he opened his locker and found her love letter on Monday. She did it a lot better in writing, anyway. She better have, to be honest though, after the hours she spent agonizing over every line, every word. “That’s why you’re my boyfriend.” She finished, backtracking. “Sorry, brain fart!”

Jeremy gave her a tight smile which confused her. He was acting so weird, was he ashamed of her?

“Hey, Tegan, why don’t we go upstairs and talk?” He suggested. “I need to get something off my chest.”

And then Tegan was sweating and internally panicking again. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What had she done wrong? Did he want to have sex? She had condoms, but she wasn’t sure she was ready. Of course, he would respect that and wouldn’t pressure her, but what if she totally ruined the moment?

“Ok!” She managed.

He put a hand on her back and guided her up the flight of steps, each one leading Tegan to freak out even more. Usually, she would cling to him when attacked by anxiety, but he was the one causing it, and she was just so utterly lost. Everyone and everything was so unfamiliar, she didn’t even know whose house this was. Maybe Jeremy thought she needed to make more friends? But wouldn’t he have just said so instead of telling her that they needed to go upstairs to talk? But it could still be good though, right? He could tell her he loved her and she could do something alluringly cryptic about her response in his locker, or whatever. Could Tegan even manage that femme fatale aesthetic though? Probably not. Ugh. 

They reached an open door, and the bedroom was empty. There were no traces of personality, leading Tegan to believe it was the guest bedroom. Tegan shuddered to think about what might have gone down in there before they entered the room, and what might happen, now that Jeremy had shut the door with a click. She didn’t hear it lock though. Maybe he didn’t want her to feel pressured and planned to lock the door if she was into it?

Tegan sat on the edge of the bed, her legs pressed together, her hands clasped in her lap. Jeremy sat next to her, leaving distance between them.

“I… I have something to confess.” He said with a sigh. “A lot has changed since freshman year.”

Tegan nodded but said nothing.

“Both of us were insecure about who we were and who we could turn out to be, because that’s just how it is. If there’s one thing I’m glad about that year, it’s that we got together.” Jeremy met her eyes, giving her a wistful smile. “But I learned a lot about myself in these past couple of years. It’s been good being your boyfriend; great even. You’re a wonderful person… But this… it won’t work out, it can’t.” Jeremy took a deep breath, swallowing.

Tegan’s gut dropped at the turn this conversation took. “What, why?” She whispered, her voice coming out garbled from getting stuck in her throat. She couldn’t lose him; he was the only one who made going to school worth it. He was also her only friend.

“I… Tegan, I’m gay.” He explained gently.

She hated that it took a few moments for that to settle in because it should have clicked instantaneously, but this was her boyfriend of two years, her best friend. Her only friend.

“Oh.” She managed. She felt a pang in her heart.

“I’m still your best friend, I’m still me… I just can’t be your boyfriend anymore.” Jeremy reminded her. “We can still hang out, see movies, go to Old Spaghetti Factory, sleep at each other’s places, we just won’t do it as a couple anymore. We can still be affectionate, even.”

“I’m glad you told me. I’m so happy for you.” She managed. There was a lump in her throat. “I… I have to pee.” Her voice wavered, and scurried out of the bedroom and shut herself in the bathroom. She gripped the sink, trying to take deep breaths. Her vision blurred and tears dripped down her cheeks as she choked back sobs. What was she going to do now? Jeremy was the only one keeping her from having an absolute crisis most of the time.

She sat on the cover of the toilet seat and cried into her folded arms braced against her knees. She was lost and didn’t even know if she could face the ride home. She wanted to disappear and wake up to the morning light in her bed, where she was safe from humiliation. 

There was a gentle knock on the door. Tegan reflexively lifted her head. “Occupied,” She managed. She sounded like a mess. “You can’t come in.”

“Tegan, right?” The voice was unfamiliar.

“Yeah…” She answered.

“Are you decent? Some people saw you go into the bathroom looking upset after running out of the bedroom you were in with your boyfriend, and I need to check if you’re ok.” The voice explained.

“I’d rather if you didn’t come in…” Tegan pleaded.

“I know you don’t like it, but if something happened, I need to know if we should clear out the alcohol so we can call the cops.”

“Nothing happened.” She sniffed. “I’m fine.”

“You sure don’t sound like it…” The voice was clearly baiting her into opening the door. “Look, I don’t want it on my conscience that I just left you in here crying without actually checking up on you. So either you’re coming out, or I’m coming in.”

Tegan unintentionally let a long and pained whimper and coughed up a sob again, resuming her cry.

“Oh, fuck… I…” The door flew open to reveal an alarmed Sara Quin. Dammit, Tegan should have thought of locking herself in… but her surprised as to who was behind the door canceled that frustration. Sara shut the door, leaving both of them inside. “Are you ok? Did something happen?” She asked again.

Tegan took a long, shaky breath. “My boyfriend broke up with me.” Her voice cut out at the end, and she avoided eye contact, clearing her throat. “It’s nothing important, you can go back to the party.”

“Does everyone think I’m some self-obsessed bitch?” Sara rolled her eyes, grumbling under her breath before speaking normally. “I’m not leaving you alone at this party. Listen… I just got dumped this week too, and it… It sucks.” Sara cleared her throat. “If you want, we can get out of here, so you can actually be in private while you cry. I’m not really having fun anyway, so you’d be doing me a favor…”

“What if people see me crying?” Tegan muttered.

“I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere.” Sara instructed her after a moment of thought, exiting the bathroom.

Tegan dreaded whatever Sara might be planning, and moved into the bathtub because she could pull the shower curtain shut if she thought Sara was bringing people to come laugh at her. Seconds ticked by until she heard the pounding of footsteps running to the bathroom. There was a quick knock and then Sara was in the bathroom again, door shut. It was only Sara…

“Wow, same.” Sara gestured at Tegan sitting in the bathtub. “Here, Emy had spare sunglasses with her.” She handed Tegan a pair of Ray Bans and then offered her a hand.

Tegan took it and let Sara pull her out of the bathtub and in front of the mirror which Tegan avoided looking at, knowing she probably looked terrible. Sara plucked a washcloth off the rack, briefly running it under the tap and wringing it out.

“May I?” Sara gestured between the wet washcloth and Tegan’s face.

“Go ahead.” She whispered hoarsely.

Sara gently wiped Tegan’s tears away, even getting the ones that trailed down her neck and then handed Tegan a tissue from the box on the counter to blow her nose with.

“Better?” Sara gestured at the mirror.

Tegan’s nose was red, but the lights were dim and at least her eyes were covered. “Better.” She nodded and put on the sunglasses.

Sara offered a hand, and Tegan took it, allowing Sara to lead her downstairs and out to the driveway, past all the people, and to a car parked across the street. “Don’t worry, I have a license, and I didn’t drink yet.” She promised, unlocking the car. The two of them got in, but Sara didn’t start the engine. “Where do you want to go? I can take you home, to McDonald’s, my place… Anywhere.”

“I don’t wanna go home.” Tegan said, her voice wobbly. “I… My parents even gave me condoms for tonight. And… Shit, I packed an overnight bag, it’s in Jeremy’s car.”

“I can go get it for you.” Sara offered.

“I’d like that.” Tegan replied softly.

“But first, where _do_ you want to go?” Sara asked. “My place? I have two brothers, but if I tell them to fuck off, they will. Or, I could take you to Emy’s; I was going to spend the night there.”

Not even the mention of Emy could excite Tegan when she was sad. “I don’t want to interrupt your plans…” She mumbled.

“So is that a yes to Emy’s?”

Tegan nodded.

“Ok, then, I’ll go get her. And your bag.” Sara flashed Tegan a little smile. “Sit tight.”

“Wait…” Tegan said, speaking up.

“Hm?”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Tegan croaked, looking up at Sara through wet eyelashes. She pulled the sunglasses off. “I mean… You’ve never spoken to me before tonight.”

“Well…” Sara sighed. “Jeremy’s a good guy, I’ve talked to him a few times, and he made you sound pretty nice, and I figured I’d take his word for it. Also… To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t really feeling the party tonight; you just gave me an excuse to get out of there.” Sara swallowed, eyes cast down at her lap. It was small, but Sara never expressed any negative emotions in public. Well… other than anger. “Emy wanted to cheer me up by bringing me along, and I agreed, but I’m not really having any fun. If I have another broken-hearted… I… I mean if I have you in the car too, and your boyfriend just broke up with you, she’ll be more likely to come back with me ahead of time.”

“Why are you letting me tag along with the two of you at her place, then? It sounds like the two of you kind of have your own thing going.” Tegan asked.

“You know, for a quiet, shy kid, you sure do ask a lot of questions,” Sara replied, making Tegan smile for a second. “I’ll be back soon, ok?”

Tegan nodded. As soon as Sara was gone, she let herself sniffle and cry the last few tears she had left in her. She didn’t know if she would cry more later, but she knew she would be ok. So she waited for Sara and Emy to come back. She heard Emy talking before she looked up.

Emy and Sara looked correct next to each other. Emy in a denim button-up and dark leggings, Sara in dark ripped jeans, a plaid button up tied around her waist, and a blue denim jacket over a simple printed T-shirt. As though she read Tegan’s mind, Sara untied the button-up from around her waist and draped it around Emy’s shoulders, then held the car door open for her so Emy could get into the backseat.

“Hi, Tegan! We have like three classes together. I’m Emy.” Emy smiled as she slid into the car and held out Tegan’s black backpack.

“Thanks, and I know you.” Tegan bit her lower lip as Sara shut the door to the back seat and returned to the driver’s seat. “I think we’ve talked a few times?”

“Ohh, yeah! Sorry, I forgot. I’m kind of high on party, if you can’t tell. Mostly I’m not like this.” Emy buckled up. “Hey Sare, when was the last time we had a girl’s night?”

“Umm, mid-summer?” Sara replied, buckling herself up, so Tegan did the same. “Broom-Hilda kind of halted that habit…” She didn’t especially sound like she wanted to talk about this subject, probably because Tegan was right there. Sara started the car and drove away from the party. “Hey Tegan, just to let you know, Jeremy asked us for advice on coming out, so you don’t have to worry about not outing him when talking to us.”

“He… he did?” Tegan asked, furrowing her eyebrows. The car was silent. She understood why he would come to them for advice, but it hurt knowing she wasn’t the first to know. She wouldn’t fault him or get mad, but this really didn’t help things.

“Do you need some Dairy Queen?” Emy asked gently.

“Yeah.” Tegan’s voice cracked, thick with emotion. “I’d like that.”

“Do you want some DQ?” Emy turned to Sara.

“Do you?” Sara asked in response.

“Maybe.”

Sara sighed and flipped on her turn signal. “We’re going to the drive-thru, you two. We are absolutely not getting out of this car until we get to Emy’s.” Sara and Emy bantered back and forth until they arrived at the nearest DQ. She pulled up just past the speaker so Emy could talk into it.

Tegan wasn’t feeling particularly picky, so she let Emy pick her order, just resting her head against the window of the car. Her eyes were damp from a fresh wave of tears. She didn’t eat her blizzard when Sara handed it to her since she lost her appetite.

“Are you ok, Tegan?” Emy asked, placing a hand on Tegan’s seat, leaning toward her.

“As ok as I can be, given the circumstances.” She replied.

Sara snorted. “Same.”

“What do you want to do tonight at my place?” Emy asked. “My parents are away at the country estate, so we have the townhouse all to ourselves. I’ll just text the staff to let them know there will be an extra person. Do you want to sleep in your own room tonight, or do you want a cot in my room?”

“Where’s Sara staying?” Tegan asked, hoping to follow ‘when in Rome, do as the Romans do’. “I don’t want to cause any hassle.”

“She’s sharing my bed with me,” Emy answered like it was the most casual thing in the world. “And you won’t be causing a hassle; we have plenty of guest bedrooms for you to stay in if you want. But if you’d rather hang with us, that’s fine too. Whatever you’re most comfortable with.”

“I’d like to stay in a bedroom if that’s ok.” Tegan decided. She was an outsider, and she knew it. Might as well not try to force her way into this already established friendship.

“Ok. Also, do you have any allergies or specific preferences?” Emy’s face was illuminated by the glow of her phone screen.

“Um… I’m kind of picky, usually…” She admitted.

“That’s fine, what don’t you like?”

Emy was even nicer than Tegan thought… “Mushrooms, corn, raw tomatoes, beans, and avocados.” She admitted, embarrassed.

“Geez… do you like any vegetables?” Sara didn’t take her eyes off the road, but Tegan could feel herself being judged.

“I… I don’t know, I just…” She mumbled.

“Hey, Sare, she’s not ready to be introduced to real food.” Emy chided Sara.

“What’s that mean?” Tegan asked, confused.

“Emy believes that if you don’t like a certain food, you just haven’t had it prepared correctly,” Sara explained fondly. “She loves to cook.”

“Ok, that’s true, but a freshly broken heart is not the best time to expand one’s culinary palate, it’s a time for comfort food. I speak from experience.” Emy interjected.

“It’s ok, I don’t have that much of an appetite right now, anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.” Tegan explained.

“I was going to make sandwiches, but let me know, ok?” Emy patted her on the shoulder.

Tegan fell silent again, staring at the road, noticing that they were heading toward the rich part of town. They pulled in front of a house with an iron gate in front, where Sara had to punch in the code to get to the driveway. Well, she had to ask Emy the new one first. Inside the giant house, the butler greeted Sara by remarking on how long it had been, which made Tegan even sadder for almost no reason. How long it had been since Sara went to Emy’s house was really none of her business and didn’t affect her.

Emy led both of them upstairs, past a room with a desk with a shelf of textbooks above it and a table of art supplies with an easel next to it. Next was a bedroom three times as large as Tegan’s. There was a string of fairy lights on the headboard and a stained glass chandelier, with what looked like murals on all the walls Tegan could see. The room they finally went into had a big flat screen TV mounted on the wall opposite an olive green couch that looked as soft as marshmallows. There was a matching ottoman in front of it with a TV remote and coasters atop it. Emy flipped on the lights and kicked off her shoes as she collapsed onto the couch, leaving Sara’s plaid shirt around her shoulders. Sara followed suit, emptying her pockets of her wallet and keys, placing them on the ottoman. Tegan placed her backpack next to the couch, leaving her shoes next to it, and perched herself on the edge of the couch.

“What do you have planned for us, Em?” Sara asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You two are the ones who need to get over your breakups, you two decide,” Emy replied. “If you get hungry or thirsty, let me know.”

“Tegan, what do you want to do? You’ve never been here before.” Sara sounded kind of done with the whole situation, almost like she was above it. Something seemed to have switched on in Sara’s mind after she went to go get Emy, leaving Tegan alone in the car. Did Sara regret inviting her along? Were things awkward between Sara and Emy, and Tegan was supposed to be a buffer? How did one be a buffer?

“Um… I don’t know…” She muttered.

“If you want to cry, it’s ok,” Emy said, shrugging. “Crying is healthy, especially in your situation. I can ask for a big ass tub of ice cream if you need.”

“I don’t want to cause any hassle,” Tegan said, wrapping her arms around her knees, hugging her legs to her chest.

“If you want to do makeovers, just say so,” Sara replied dryly, smirking.

“I don’t like makeup.” Tegan blurted out.

“Sweet, neither do we.” Sara rested her feet on the ottoman. “We could prank call people… Nobody knows Tegan’s voice.”

“No, Sara.” Emy poked her in the arm. “How about we do Just Dance on the Wii? That’s fun, it’ll get our minds off everything. Plus, exercise is good at getting shit off your chest, which I’m guessing both of you need.”

“Do any have Hayley Kiyoko on them?” Tegan asked.

Sara and Emy looked at each other in surprise.

“What?” Tegan wanted to shrink under her clothes like a turtle retracting into its shell.

“We didn’t expect you to like her,” Sara explained. “So like… Do you like her music, or…?”

“I like her, her music...” Tegan paused, licking her lips nervously. “Her music videos…”

“Tegan, do you… Do you like girls?” Emy asked tentatively.

Tegan nodded. “I’m… I like girls and boys.” She hugged her legs tighter. “I’m bisexual.” She wanted to shift her sitting position but didn’t want them to know she was nervous.

“Well, I guess the nice gay girls in our class are all together.” Sara joked, smirking.

“But isn’t Stacy also bisexual?” Tegan furrowed her eyebrows.

“Exactly,” Sara said in a stage whisper, making Emy laugh. In a normal voice, Sara continued, “We call her Broom-Hilda for a reason.”

Tegan smiled, finally feeling included in a group that didn’t solely comprise herself and Jeremy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and the support you give me, it means a lot!!! XOXOXO
> 
> I'm craving pizza. laterz!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey folksies, sorry it took so long for me to update but i don't have very much of this fic written. i genuinely want to finish it, but it's just gonna have to wait a bit. anyway i hope you enjoy this chapter!

Several rounds of Just Dance, a plate of the best lasagna Tegan had ever tasted, and a bowl of ice cream covered in candy later, Tegan retired to the guest bedroom closest to Emy’s bedroom. Emy’s bedroom was across the hall from the closest bathroom, and since Tegan was shy about walking around without a bra (her pajamas consisted of a large T-shirt and flannel pajama pants), she waited until she thought Emy and Sara were settled in Emy’s room before going out to brush her teeth and relieve herself before going to bed. She felt a lot better after having fun with the last two people she thought she’d ever have a sleepover with.

Tegan exited the bathroom, turning off the lights and only leaving the nightlight on when she heard voices. The hallway was dark, aside from the guest bedroom, and Emy’s light was off. Even though she knew she shouldn’t, Tegan inched closer and listened.

Sara: “—didn’t even like her all that much, I guess I just wanted to show you that I was over everything. I am, I really am, now I just… I don’t like being single, I guess. It’s lonely.”

Emy: “It’s ok. I totally understand. I missed you… The short leash she had you on, you would have thought she was the one you cheated on…”

There was silence between them.

Sara: “I don’t want to get back together, I just want my best friend back. I missed you too. I just… I wish I could have someone new to show off, to show her that I never actually loved her. She probably thinks she broke me down, I just… Feel shitty.”

Emy: “That’s pretty natural… I mean… She treated you like an accessory to make herself seem cooler.”

It finally hit Tegan how private this conversation was, and she tiptoed down the carpeted hallway to her temporary room. She’d never known Sara Quin to ever sound like she was about to cry, and yet, there she was, getting choked up in deep conversation with her best friend/ex-girlfriend. Guilt overwhelmed Tegan. Sara took her in, and all Tegan did in response was eavesdrop on her personal conversation.

At least Tegan wasn’t crying over Jeremy anymore.

-

After breakfast, with Sara in the passenger’s seat, Emy drove Tegan home. The three of them sang along to Hayley Kiyoko's Expectations until they were in Tegan’s driveway and pulled away once she opened the door to her house. Tegan hoped they could be friends after this. After all, she did need new ones.

Tegan told her parents that Jeremy broke up with her and that she didn’t want to talk to him so when the phone rang, she didn’t have to worry that it was him. She wasn’t mad at him, not at all. She just needed some time to get over him. However, she worried she wouldn’t need very much. What would that say about her as a girlfriend? If it had been a few months instead of years, she wouldn’t fret as much. So Tegan needed to stay heartbroken because she didn’t want to think about what it might mean if she wasn’t. She could just avoid Jeremy for a few weeks, and then they could make a friendship out of their old relationship, which would probably be better than their romantic relationship. She wanted to love Jeremy, not be in love with him.

Monday morning, Tegan got her father to drive her to school so she wouldn’t have to take her bike. She made sure she was cutting it close enough to have to go straight to class and need not worry about running into him due to routine. She avoided him whenever she could, but one trip down a certain hallway sent her next to his locker… where Jeremy was currently pulling out folders and notebooks, an envelope sticking out of his back pocket… Oh no. No no no no no.

Tegan never ran as fast as she did trying to find a trash can that wasn’t in that hallway. She went around the corner, down half a flight of stairs and just vomited up her breakfast, making everyone around her groan in disgust and give her a wide berth. She was coughing and dry-heaving when someone pulled her hair out of her face. A flash of blonde hair told her that she could relax.

“How about I take you to the nurse?” Sara suggested.

Tegan nodded, coughing and gasping for air.

“You should probably rinse your mouth out… Do you have a water bottle on you?”

Again, Tegan nodded.

Sara unzipped Tegan's backpack and dug around until she found it, passing it to her so she could take a mouthful and clean the bile and vomit out of her mouth. At least she didn’t get any on her clothes…

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer!” Sara snapped at the staring passersby. “C’mon Tegan.” Sara placed a hand on her back and guided Tegan to the office, handing her a package of tissues on the way. “So do you wanna tell me what that was about? Because I did not just see you throw up scrambled eggs for free.”

“Jeremy,” Tegan managed. “I… Last week I wrote him a love letter and I put it in his locker on Friday and he took it out today.”

“So?” Sara shrugged.

“That was the first love letter I’ve ever written, and the first time I told him that I loved him!” Tegan hissed, her voice a whisper. “And he’s gay! I’ll just look needy, like a crazy ex-girlfriend!”

“Well, shit.”

They walked together in silence, and Sara delivered Tegan to the nurse and left her alone to agonize over the predicament she was stuck in as the nurse took her temperature and decided that Tegan should just lay down for twenty minutes and see how she felt later. This didn’t exactly help calm Tegan down mentally, but then again, Tegan didn’t tell the nurse what happened exactly. After twenty minutes, the nurse gave Tegan a bottle of water and sent her back to class with a pass.

“What are you still doing here?” Tegan asked Sara, seeing her loitering outside the office.

“Avoiding class. I needed a mental health period. Plus, I had an idea that I wanted to run by you.” Sara’s grin was lopsided. “I figured it might help us both out.”

“Oh god, what?” Tegan sighed.

“Well, my ex thinks we’re together, meaning so do more than a few people because she, along with others, saw me help you out,” Sara explained nonchalantly.

“Woah…” Tegan murmured. Even though many people were acquainted with Sara, she tended to look out for number one. She didn’t like to owe anyone anything or be owed anything. Emy was the only exception to that rule. Never anyone else.

“So, since you kind of need to make it look like you’re over your ex, same as me, why don’t we go with the rumor?” Sara’s words came out slowly.

“Are you asking me to pretend to be your girlfriend?” Tegan asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

“Yep. Stacy gets jealous, I get my revenge, Jeremy realizes you don’t love him like that and knows for a fact you’ve moved on.” Sara shrugged. “No downsides.”

“I… I don’t know if I can.” Tegan sighed. “I need to think about this.” She parted ways with Sara and headed to her class. She couldn’t focus, but at least she wrote down the homework. Worst case scenario J—Tegan’s father could help her out with it. Besides, Sara or Emy would have the same class with the same teacher, just a different period.

Tegan’s apprehension for going through with Sara’s plan was the fact that Tegan had never been with a girl before and didn’t want all of those firsts to be fake. She also didn’t like the attention she would probably get as Sara’s next girlfriend, especially when succeeding Stacy. Oh god, Tegan remembered that stink eye Stacy gave her and Jeremy when they were at the movies, how badly would she glare at Tegan if she was with Stacy’s ex?! And the rumors people would pass around… But the idea of facing Jeremy after all those intense things she’d put in that love letter… she simply couldn’t face him. It was too personal, she’d let too much of herself out. She needed to keep things inside.

When lunch rolled around, Tegan found herself going toward Jeremy’s fifth-period classroom but stopped herself just in time to turn around and find Sara standing around at Emy’s locker while she moved certain folders and notebooks.

“Hey, Sara,” Tegan said, taking a deep breath.

“Yeah?” Sara looked up, their eyes meeting.

Tegan headed straight for her lips. It was short, but once Sara realized what was happening, she took Tegan’s hands in her own. It was the first time Tegan kissed a girl. It was so different than kissing Jeremy… She wanted to melt into it, to keep going, to hold Sara closer. She pulled away, briefly thrown off by how the kiss made her feel. Her eyes flickered between Sara’s eyes and lips for a second, and she couldn’t get any words out.

She cleared her throat. “Let’s do this.” She whispered.

Sara grinned, nodding.

“Um… Should we go have lunch?” Emy asked, looking utterly confused, and what Tegan figured might be the first time in her life, awkward.

“Actually, is it ok if Tegan and I go have some alone time?” Sara glanced at Tegan.

“Yeah, sure.” Emy smiled but she clearly had questions. “See you later.” She went toward the cafeteria, while Sara led Tegan to a more secluded hallway, then turned to face her when everyone else was out of earshot.

“So, we’re actually doing this, huh?” Sara let out a breath.

“I feel like we need to work out the details…” Tegan bit her lower lip. “Like… A contract.”

Sara stared at her with a raised eyebrow.

“What? I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.” Tegan plopped down on the floor and took out a notebook, opening to a fresh page. She thought for a moment and then wrote:

_No tongue kissing_

“Um, Tegan, did you mean _French_ kissing?” Sara was trying to hide a smile and hold back a laugh.

“Jeremy and I never did that.” She explained. “I mean, I didn’t especially want it…” She cleared her throat, disliking Sara staring at her with a single eyebrow raised. “Anyway, keep your tongue in your own mouth. And stop snickering!”

“Keep Your Tongue In You Own Mouth, title of your sex tape.” Sara quipped, grinning.

“You watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine?” Tegan couldn’t even scowl at her or wonder if she would regret this.

“Hell yeah, don’t you?”

Tegan nodded, unable to stave away a grin. “We should get back to the contract. So… No t-French kisses. But also no excessive kissing in general.” She added the notes to the first bullet point. “I don’t want any firsts to be fake, ok?”

“That’s understandable. How about you have to go with me to parties and Karaoke Night? And we have to sing together in Karaoke.” Sara tapped the space below the first rule.

“Hmm… Fine. But only songs I know. I don’t like singing in public, and it’s a bad enough even if it’s a song I know.” Tegan warned.

“That’s a given, I wouldn’t throw you to the wolves like that,” Sara promised. “Now write it down.”

_Tegan will go with Sara to parties and Karaoke night, where T &S will sing songs together as long as both know the words_

“Um… We can’t tell anyone we’re faking it.” Tegan decided.

“What about Emy? She’s gonna have questions.” Sara pointed out. “Plus she’s my best friend. I can’t lie to her.”

“Fine, we can tell her… But nobody else can know!” Tegan held her pen out at Sara like a sword before writing:

_No telling anyone (except Emy) that the relationship is fake_

“How about I drive you to and from school? And I can bring you little gifts every day.” Sara offered. “Not like… expensive gifts, just like flowers and shit.”

“Ok,” Tegan agreed, smiling. “And I can write fake love notes.”

_Sara will frequently bring Tegan gifts and drive her every day_

_Tegan will write Sara notes_

“You probably shouldn’t make them obviously fake in case someone sees. Just send me genuine little notes, they don’t have to be sappy or flowery.” Sara cut in. “While the image is important… I don’t want this to be ruined because someone read something over my shoulder.”

“Ok, I can do that.” Tegan nodded. “What else?”

“That’s about it for me.” Sara shrugged. “I’ve got all the stuff Stacy would bother me about wanting me to do.”

“Oh… ok.” Tegan bit her lip.

“Come on, we should probably tell Emy as soon as possible and rescue her.” Sara stood up, offering Tegan a hand.

“Ok.” Tegan took it, and let Sara pull her up. Their hands stayed joined as they walked down the halls together until they reached the cafeteria. Tegan took a deep breath. “I’m ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to let me know what you think either on here or on tumblr! XOXO

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think! XOXO


End file.
